All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
