Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
