Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
