Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
