Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
