Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
