I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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