Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
