So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
