she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
