Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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