Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
