You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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