I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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