you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
