she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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