sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
