I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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