Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
