Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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