dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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