Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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