not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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