No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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