Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
