Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she told me i tasted like america
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
