All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My nipple is on Facebook.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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