fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
