Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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