I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
