Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
