I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
