I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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