we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
