thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
