I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
