i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
