we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
