what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
