I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
