Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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