Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
