you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
