he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
