How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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