I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
