So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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