At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
