so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Two words: blizzard sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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