You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
