Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
